Municipal Classification by Playground Analysis
I have developed a pretty simple method for judging the crime level in a neighborhood. Here’s the quick and dirty version:
Go to the neighborhood park, and check out the basketball goal/hoop. Particularly, just below the rim, check to see if there is one of the following: (A) a nylon net, (B) a chain net, or (C) nothing at all. This list is arranged in ascending order of the crime level of the surrounding neighborhoods. That is, at least in areas with similar levels of municipal contribution, “type A” neighborhoods that can sustain nylon nets have lower crime than the “type B” neighborhoods with chain nets. The worst neighborhoods, then, are the “type C” neighborhoods with no nets at all.
Explanation: In “type B” neighborhoods, the local kiddies just love to burn nylon basketball nets. Depending on the variety of net, this activity can be very enjoyable. This is just the sort of entertainment that somewhat bored suburban kids might partake in before stealing another kid’s bike. So, the local government uses the extent of its awesome power to switch to metal chains. Minor basketball hoop abuse leads to minor crimes.
In significantly worse “type C” neighborhoods, gang members and other tough young ruffians make it a habit to dismantle metal basketball nets and use the chains as weapons in various violent misadventures. Wise city council members convene once more, voting to stop arming these young mercenaries. They get rid of nets altogether. In the end, there is no longer a satisfying “swish” or “clang” to reward talented shooters for draining threes, and to believe my analysis, this happens in the neighborhoods that need the relaxing auditory feedback the most!
Labels: observations, social commentary
posted by Kyle Wild at
8:28 AM
0 Comments
